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Title: Four Times Andrew nearly spilled the beans, and the one time he (kind of) did.
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Various
Rating: PG
Length: 1,913
Content notes: Crossed with Stargate SG1, Sanctuary, Supernatural, Bones, and The Big Bang Theory.
Author notes: This prompt was originally given to me to help me out with my Five Times Big Bang, but I couldn’t make it work. When this challenge came up, I was glad to finally use it. It started out as having 200 words per section, but that lasted precisely one section, and it mutated from there.
Summary: Andrew has a big mouth, and the Scoobies have a big job keeping said mouth from running away too often.

Major Samantha Carter, USAF

“What are you doing?” Willow asked as she set her laptop down.

“Chatting,” Andrew murmured absently.

Willow leaned over, and frowned. “Andrew, who are you chatting to?”

“Sam,” Andrew murmured.

“And Sam works where,” Willow frowned, “precisely?”

“Um…” Andrew frowned, attempting to split his concentration onto the two conversations.

“And you are telling him what,” Willow glared, “precisely?”

“Just stuff,” Andrew shrugged.

Willow narrowed her eyes, gripped the back of Andrew’s chair and dragged it back. She stepped forward to read the screen. “Andrew,” she began calmly, “do you realise what you were about to tell this Sam? Everything!” She turned to glare at the young man. “Everything, I might add, to someone with Air Force links!”

“Air Force?” Andrew gaped.

Willow dropped down onto Andrew’s chair, neatly deleted his latest message before it was inconveniently sent, opened a new window and began typing. After a few minutes of swift typing, she pushed back from the table and waved aggressively at the screen.

Andrew leaned forward, and squeaked. “She’s Air Force?” He blinked. “She’s Air Force?”

“Major Doctor Samantha Carter,” Willow smirked.

Andrew whined, and slouched away.

Willow narrowed her eyes again at the conversation. It’d better not happen again!

Dr Helen Magnus, The Sanctuary Network

Long, waving, raven-dark hair on a statuesque beauty that reminded her, oddly, of a combination of Giles and Xander. She couldn’t quite work that one out, but it was possible that it was the dark hair combined with the ‘what the hell are you talking about?’ look that Giles often wore, back in the early days of Sunnydale. Of course, the woman Willow was admiring was talking to Andrew…

Talking to Andrew…

Wearing a ‘what the hell?’ expression.

Willow marched up, smiled sweetly at the brunette as she dropped a startlingly strong hand onto Andrew’s shoulder, and dragged him to one side. “Andrew,” she hissed, “what are you doing?”

Andrew opened wide, hurt eyes at Willow. “We were just talking,” he whimpered. “Dr Magnus has the most fascinating tales to tell of the Abnormals that she deals with, and I was about to tell her about the demons and witches we deal with, and -”

Amazingly, he was stopped by Willow’s upheld finger. She pinched the bridge of her nose. She drew in a breath, held it, and exhaled slowly. She counted down from ten in Latin. She opened her eyes. “No more,” she instructed sternly. “We do not tell outsiders about what we do unless we absolutely have to. In fact, if I catch you about to spill like that again, I will get Kennedy’s used shaver, and I will castrate you. Do you understand?”

Andrew wavered on his feet for a moment, turned a delicate ashen colour then collapsed, murmuring a faint, “Icky,” as he did.


Helen Magnus frowned as she looked at the odd young man now lying at the redhead’s feet. The redhead blushed, and gave a little wave before looking around then darting off. She made a mental note to investigate Mr Wells and his companion. He was … interesting.

Dean Winchester

To quote Cordelia, “Hello, salty goodness!” The boy was hot!

And it didn’t even hurt to think of her after all this time. She, of the dark duty, had managed to outlive Cordelia, who was never meant to be involved in all of this, and it had hurt when she’d first heard of the ex-cheerleader’s death, especially how she’d died, but that was in the past, now. Now she had a hot guy to chat up in Cordy’s memory. The things one did. She sighed. She smirked.

She observed aforementioned hot guy with a distinct expression on his face. The ‘oh, my god, who is this, and why is he talking to me?’ look. The kind of look that you get when…

“Andrew,” Buffy began with sickly sweetness, “why are you scaring this nice man?”

Andrew turned to Buffy, smiling. “I was just telling Dean, here, about when you … uh … when …”

And – look – Andrew does have a survival instinct!

Dean gave Andrew a look. Usually the look was ‘oh, my god,’ but sometimes it was just gas. If Andrew wasn’t willing to tell Buffy what he was saying, though, she was willing to bet on ‘oh, my god!’

“Your boy here was just telling me about this book your librarian showed you,” Dean explained, only just now beginning to lose his somewhat horrified expression in the face of the hot chick. He turned, let loose his patented ‘wet panties’ smile, and held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Dean.”

Buffy saw his smile, raised with a ‘we’ll do something about that’ smile, and shook his hand. “I’m Buffy, and, unfortunately, I have to go kill Andrew now. But if you’ll wait a few minutes, I’ll dispose of the body and then we can talk.”

Dean turned back to Andrew, regaining a little of the sick look, and nodded. “You do that. I’ll just be at the pool table.”

Buffy beamed. “Cool.” With that, she wrapped steely fingers around Andrew’s bicep, and pulled. No other option given, Andrew followed her. After all, the ‘whole killing and getting rid of the body’ thing was just a joke.



Special Agent Seely Booth, FBI

“Angel! Mi amigo! Mi compadre!

Booth pulled back from the crazy little man, and looked him askance. Sure, he dealt with crazy geeks every day, but they were his geeks, his very own Squint Squad, and he did not want to have to deal with anyone else’s geeks, thank you very much.

Despite Booth’s withdrawal, the crazy little man kept coming, and wrapped him in a big hug.

“I’m so glad you got your Shanshu!” the crazy little man squealed. “It must be so good to be able to walk in the sun again, though I didn’t think it would come with a side-effect of crazy belt buckles,” the seriously weird guy pouted. “I always thought you had a lot more taste than that!”

“They’re an acquired taste,” Booth frowned. “Now who the hell are you?”

The crazy little man blinked. He pouted. “I’m Andrew!” he explained. “Remember? LA? You know, when I had to pick up Dana, the insane Slay-”

And it appeared the crazy little man had a keeper, as a large hand was conveniently clapped over Andrew’s mouth.

“I’m so, so sorry,” the new, and apparently not insane man apologised fervently. “We try not to let him out alone, but he managed to slip away from us.”

“You know, they have places for people like him,” Booth offered. “I have a friend in one, and he’s receiving good care.”

The other man sighed. “Unfortunately, he’s not actually crazy. He just acts like it, oh, ninety percent of the time. The rest of the time, he’s actually useful,” the man smirked. “Oh, and I’m Xander.”

“Booth,” he introduced. “So who was this, uh, Angel? And what’s a sandshoe got to do with anything?”

Xander sighed. “Look, it was an honest mistake. You look startlingly like Angel, except he has this kind of major sunlight allergy, and the Shanshu thing was supposed to deal with that.” He frowned in thought. “I think. I try not to know too much about Angel. He broods, and I’m allergic to that.”

“He does not brood,” Andrew piped up suddenly. “He’s soulful. What with the -”

Xander clapped his hand over Andrew’s mouth again, and smiled apologetically. He sighed. “And this is where I haul my geeky little friend in for his next lot of medication. Thanks for your patience, good luck, and good bye.” With that, Xander hustled Andrew away.

Booth watched them go, and pondered the thought of someone who looked exactly like him, but had a sunlight allergy. He’d heard of that. He wondered if Bones knew of this – what was it – shampoo? Shanshu? Cure thing. Could be useful to know.

Dr Sheldon Cooper, CalTech

“I can’t believe you did that!”

Penny peaked around the corner of the stairwell, up to the landing. She could see a dark-haired woman glaring at someone. Odds were, it was Sheldon.

“My god! How many times do you need to be told, you don’t say things like that!”

Yep, Sheldon; Penny wondered just what she was going to have to do to fix this.

“Willow’s going to castrate you with Kennedy’s rusty shaver now, you know that?”

Ooh… Can’t let that happen. Sheldon may be weird, but he was her friend; her maddening, thick as two bricks, insanely generous friend, who had helped her out of more than one tight spot. No rusty shaver castration for Sheldon, not if she had anything to say about it, and she was from Nebraska!

“No, please, you can’t say anything to Willow,” a male voice pleaded, and it wasn’t Sheldon’s. Penny perked up. Sheldon wasn’t in trouble this time. She took the next few steps quickly to find two strangers, and Sheldon.

Who was twitching.

“Oh… That’s not good,” Penny muttered.

“You think?” the dark-haired woman sneered. “We were supposed to be discussing the possibility of wormhole research, when dork-boy here ran off at the mouth, and now der wunderkind has left the nest without actually leaving.

Sheldon twitched again. “Bu-”

“Does he at least have a reset button?” the brunette whined.

“Not that I’ve ever figured out,” Penny shrugged, “short of bringing his mom up from Texas, anyway.”

The brunette narrowed her eyes at Sheldon. “She’s a Christian, isn’t she?”

“Oh, yeah,” Penny agreed enthusiastically.

“Damn,” the brunette muttered. She whirled back to her fair-haired companion. “Too bad, Andrew, it was, well, not nice knowing you, exactly, but you certainly … well, you … uh… Too bad about the ‘nads,” she finished, shrugging.

Andrew whimpered, and covered his groin, though Penny rather thought it wasn’t going to help him. Not if this Willow was anything like here, that is. Also, she had a problem with Sheldon being broken like this, and she might just have to give a hand.

“Unless,” the brunette continued.

Andrew perked up.

“Unless you can figure out some way to un-break Dr Cooper so that we can actually use him.”

Andrew frowned at Sheldon. He bit his lip. He came closer, and observed Sheldon twitching for a moment. He turned back to the brunette. “Lethe’s bramble okay?”

The brunette narrowed her eyes at Andrew then looked at Sheldon, and sighed. “May just have to go there.”

Lethe’s bramble? The hell?

The brunette noticed Penny’s disturbed/upset expression, and waved the issue away. “Don’t worry, he won’t remember a thing, which is probably a good thing at this point. We’ll burn a little Lethe’s bramble, say a few words, and he’ll be right as rain.”

Penny frowned doubtfully. “So … what? You’re, like, witches? You have a Book of Shadows?”

The brunette blinked, then gave a little smile. “Um… No Book of Shadows, no. Just a little … Wiccan … mind-refreshing … ritual, is all.”

“Uh huh,” Penny muttered, still doubtful. “But it will … refresh away whatever it was that your idiot said?”

“That’s the plan,” the brunette nodded cheerfully. “Normally we wouldn’t do this, but,” she glanced at Sheldon, who now had a little drool on the side of his mouth, “I think it’s one of those ‘extreme situations call for extreme measures’ things.”

Penny leaned over, and wiped the drool. Sheldon wouldn’t like it to be there when he woke up. “Fine. I’m Penny, by the way.”

The brunette smiled. “Dawn.”
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Miss E

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