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misseDisclaimer: Don't own or claim rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Looney Tunes [Yes, that's right: Looney Tunes.]
Notes: Written for 365 Drabbles, Prompt - Out Of Your Box
Dear Xander,
I know I'm supposed to start this letter with 'Dear John,' but your name is Xander, so I have decided to flout convention, and address the letter to you instead of John. Whoever that may be.
Well, now that I've said that, I guess you know where this is going. I'm dumping you. By letter, no less. And I will totally understand if you wish to call vengeance down on me (his name is John, funnily enough) but I'd rather you didn't. You see, I've met my soul-mate.
He's a dear little man (little being the operative word, he only comes up to my breasts, but I don't think that displeases him at all – they are very nice breasts, after all) and while his penis isn't a nice as yours, it is still very nice, and my orgasms have been more than adequate in terms of quality and quantity. But as you have told me several times, there's more to a relationship than just sex. Though it is fun.
You see, dear Elmer is my soul-mate because he shares my views on … on … I can't even write it. Oh, I'll just have to finish here. It was very nice knowing you, and the sex was great, but this must be goodbye.
Love Kind Regards,
Anya
~~~~~
Dear Xander,
Please don't wish vengeance on Anya, because she just couldn't help it. We are in love, and are going to KILL THAT WASCALLY WABBIT IF IT'S THE LAST THING WE DO!!!!!
Sincerely,
Elmer Fudd
KILL THE WABBIT!!!
Notes: Written for 365 Drabbles, Prompt - Out Of Your Box
Dear Xander,
I know I'm supposed to start this letter with 'Dear John,' but your name is Xander, so I have decided to flout convention, and address the letter to you instead of John. Whoever that may be.
Well, now that I've said that, I guess you know where this is going. I'm dumping you. By letter, no less. And I will totally understand if you wish to call vengeance down on me (his name is John, funnily enough) but I'd rather you didn't. You see, I've met my soul-mate.
He's a dear little man (little being the operative word, he only comes up to my breasts, but I don't think that displeases him at all – they are very nice breasts, after all) and while his penis isn't a nice as yours, it is still very nice, and my orgasms have been more than adequate in terms of quality and quantity. But as you have told me several times, there's more to a relationship than just sex. Though it is fun.
You see, dear Elmer is my soul-mate because he shares my views on … on … I can't even write it. Oh, I'll just have to finish here. It was very nice knowing you, and the sex was great, but this must be goodbye.
Anya
Dear Xander,
Please don't wish vengeance on Anya, because she just couldn't help it. We are in love, and are going to KILL THAT WASCALLY WABBIT IF IT'S THE LAST THING WE DO!!!!!
Sincerely,
Elmer Fudd
KILL THE WABBIT!!!