Disclaimer: Do not claim ownership of Stargate, Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.~~~~~
“So you're a vampire.”
“Oui, Monsieur le Docteur. I am a vampire.”
“You drink blood.”
“And you're all fangs and grr,” he went on, giving his interpretation of a vampire ready to bite its victim.
“No, I don't,” the extravagantly dressed being began, before frowning and changing his mind. “Actually, yes, I do growl,” he stated, lunging forward, menacingly. Jack was relieved to see Teal'c quickly snatch their friend out of the way.
“You know, Danny, of all the times you have saved our butts with your diplomatic ways, I never thought you'd actually incite the very powerful, very dangerous Master Vampire who could kill us because you were too busy geeking out!” Jack all but yelled at his friend.
Carter sidled into position between the team and their hosts. “We're very sorry about all of this. In our reality, vampires are just the stuff of stories, and it seems that our friend has had a little too much of the late night horror shows for, well, everyone's comfort. If it's acceptable, we would like to offer this token of our appreciation,” and she handed over the previously-decided-upon extravagant gift, “and just return to our own reality through the same device we got here with.”
At that, the team backed away, dragging an unwilling archaeologist to the quantum mirror he had accidentally activated. Once safely back in their own reality, Jack made sure to deactivate the device, and seriously considered destroying it, before turning back to his clueless friend.
“But... but...” Daniel stuttered, grinning wildly. “Vampires!”
Notes: This was meant to be a quick follow-up, but it just ... grew.
“Ah, you got to be shitting me!” Jack growled.
Teal'c observed the slab stoically, while Sam rolled her eyes. “We can't just leave him in there,” she offered dutifully.
“Who left him alone with the quantum mirror?” Jack demanded.
“Um,” Sam began, “not so much left alone as he got in here.”
“I believe he wished to talk with the Master again,” Teal'c considered.
“Great,” Jack grumbled. “Okay, suit up. Got to go rescue the space monkey.”
Daniel looked around the room. “Um, this is different,” he murmured to himself.
“What's different?” demanded a voice.
Daniel spun around to see a white-haired man propped up against a wall. “Oh, um, this. It's not what I was expecting.”
“And you were expecting what, exactly, when you jumped through the portal?”
“Well, I was expecting to go to a place in St Louis. That's where I went last time.”
The blond snorted. “Trust me, mate, this ain't St Louis. Still a dump, but nowhere near that big.”
“So where am I?” the archaeologist frowned.
“California. A little place called the Hellmouth.”
“Oh,” Daniel murmured as he thought about that. “Is that what I think it is?”
“A gateway to hell? Yeah. Fun times for my type,” the blonde grinned, then growled as something bounced off his head.
“Not likely, fangless,” another man smirked as he walked closer.
Daniel looked at the stranger. The shaggy-haired brunet was about his own height, and was looking at him with a wary curiosity. “And why's that?” Daniel asked.
“Hell comes to Earth, and his type are only second from the bottom of the food chain,” the other shrugged easily.
“And the bottom being?”
“And he's not human?” Daniel asked, gesturing politely (he hoped) at the blond.
“Spike here's a vampire,” the brunet nodded. “I'm Xander, by the way.”
“Oh. I'm Daniel. Sorry about that,” he went on. “I was just surprised that this wasn't the same place I went to last time. So you're a vampire?” Daniel continued, looking to Spike.
“Yeah, mate,” the blond grinned. “You don't seem too surprised.”
“Oh, no. Well, you see, I met a Master Vampire when I went to St Louis. I was just wanting to go back and talk to him about it, but it seems I met you instead.”
“You want to talk to a Master Vampire?” Xander asked doubtfully. “You don't seem suicidal.”
“Oi! Masters do have a bit of control, you know,” Spike protested.
“Yes. Because Angelus would have just loved to chew the metaphorical fat with this guy,” Xander sneered.
Spike rolled his eyes. “I was talking Masters, generally. Peaches just ruined you for the whole experience, is all.”
“While Drusilla would have been very civilised, and listened to the stars singing as she ripped his throat out.”
“Okay. So the whole house is a bit loony. Not my fault,” Spike grumbled. “Kitten,” he added, smirking.
“You know,” Xander murmured thoughtfully, “I've got some holy-water-bombs I've been itching to try out.”
“Oh, that's just nice,” Spike retorted. “Doughnut boy's getting some balls, now, is he?”
Daniel was not quite sure what would have happened just then, as the pair were sidetracked by the appearance of the rest of his team through the mirror. By the time he had turned back to the local men, they were already armed, Spike with a sword and Xander with a nasty looking battle axe.
Daniel quickly turned so that he could see both groups, and they could see him. “Hey, no, it's okay. These people are with me,” he reassured Spike and Xander, “and they just want to make sure I'm okay, and they won't do anything to you, okay?”
Spike relaxed a little, and frowned at Daniel. “I have a bad feeling about this,” he murmured.
“Okay, that's it,” Xander decided. “No more Star Wars for you.”
Jack wasn't really sure that he was surprised when Teal'c levelled his staff weapon at the dark-haired man. He took a moment to push the weapon down before speaking. “Ah, Murray here doesn't like it when people's rights are suppressed like that,” he shrugged.
“Star Wars fan?”
“One of the biggest.”
“Sorry, man,” Xander apologised to Teal'c, “but, well, he's pretty hard to live with as it is. I can't have him going on like that, okay?”
“You know,” Spike began, looking at Xander, “if this lot are going to be hanging around, I think you should go get the girls. And maybe old Rupes can get a pot of tea going.”
Jack noticed the young brunet still for a moment, before smiling easily and nodding. Any other time, he would expect the boy to have been sent for the big guns, but … girls! And 'old Rupes' and tea!
Daniel turned back to Spike. “So you're a vampire?” he began excitedly.
“Oh, for the love of God!” Jack ground out.
“Yeah, mate. Master vampire, of the Order of Aurelius.”
“Oh, wow. The last Master I talked to wasn't that keen on talking to me. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”
“Guess not. Who was it you talked to? I can't rightly remember who's Master of St Louis at the moment.”
“Jean-Claude. He's French. I don't know what Order he belongs to. We didn't get that far,” he added, frowning.
Sam coughed to cover her grin, but Jack just snorted. “No. Murray had to drag your butt to safety while we handed over a very valuable gift so that we could get the hell out of there. You pissed him off with your geekiness too quickly to get beyond 'ooh, fangs!'”
Daniel hunched defensively. “I couldn't help it. I'd never met a vampire before.”
Spike looked at the other man. “You asked to see the man's fangs?” he asked. “You sure you don't have a death wish?”
“No, I don't have a death wish. It's just ...”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Too many late night horror movies.”
“We like to laugh at them,” a small blonde smiled as she walked into the room. “I'm Buffy, by the way.”
Jack took note of the way the locals positioned themselves in the room. Spike was on one side, while Xander moved around to the other side, leaving the older man in the centre, with the three women. Curiously, the little blonde, Buffy – who gives that kind of name to a child? – seemed to take charge, with the red-haired woman and another, though taller, blonde behind and to the left, while the older man moved to the right to lean against a conveniently-weapons-covered wall.
“So, what's the what?” Buffy asked chirpily.
“Geek-boy here,” Spike began, nodding to Daniel, “came through the rock over there, that I told you to get rid of, but, no! No one listens to old Spikey, now, do they?”
“If we could move on?” the older man asked in a cultured, but bored, voice.
“Seems geek-boy, here, has a thing for vampires. Spoke to a Master in St Louis last time he went through. A frog named Jean-Claude.”
“Spike,” Xander hissed.
The vampire glanced at the girls. “Sorry, Red,” he apologised with a slight smile.
The other woman smiled softly. “It's okay, Spike.”
“Anyway, I ain't heard of any Frenchman named Jean-Claude in St Louis, so I don't really know anything about that. Well, and then his friends arrived, and I sent the whelp for you lot. Thought you might want to eyeball them,” he added, nodding towards 'Murray'.
All three women looked at Teal'c, with the little blonde shifting into what Jack recognised as battle readiness.
“Was wondering what Glinda thought of them,” Spike added quietly.
Jack noted that it was the taller blonde that Spike, and now the redhead, looked to. She ducked her head shyly, but continued to look at Teal'c.
“Hey, Murray,” Xander called cheerfully. “Tell us what you like most about Star Wars?”
Recognising the distraction as a way of explaining himself, Teal'c nodded. “It is the fight against unjust oppression,” he intoned. “The way that Luke Skywalker and the Rebels fight against the evil Emperor and the Empire to secure a safe future for the hoped-for Republic and its many peoples.”
Jack watched as Xander looked back to Buffy and nod. Buffy then turned to 'Glinda', who shrugged, and whispered something in her ear. Whatever it was, it caused Buffy to frown, and then glare at Teal'c. It appeared, though, that the taller blonde wasn't finished, as she hesitantly tapped the smaller woman on the shoulder, and said something more. This was enough to elicit a surprised expression as Buffy turned back to 'Glinda'. There was a brief, quiet conversation, then she turned back to the strangers.
The others took their cue from Buffy, and relaxed. “So... Tea?”
“Well, Danny boy, I hope you've scratched that itch, because I don't want you to ever go through that mirror again. Got it?”
“Yes, Jack,” Daniel sighed, then wandered off to find his office again.
Jack turned to see Sam frowning over her computer. “What is it?”
“Well, sir, its just... You see...”
“Spit it out, Carter,” Jack instructed.
“Well, last time we came back through the mirror, I checked, and, yes, we had gone to another reality. I just wanted to be sure,” she added, smiling guiltily at him.
“And...” he encouraged.
“Well...” She took a breath. “This time...”
“This time, it really looks like we didn't. I don't know how it happened,” she shook her head, “but it really looks like we stayed in our own reality, dimension, whatever you want to call it. We moved through the mirror, but ended up in the same physical reality.”
She bit her lip. “Sorry, sir. It really looks like they're here.”
“God damn it!”